A random poetic thingy

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A random poetic thingy

Postby Dracofrost » Sat Apr 24, 2004 6:16 am

Here's a disjointed poem I wrote today when I got in a weird mood. Please, criticisms:

silent moans and dreadful tones
the dry old bones of long dead trees
sing mournful songs of tales long past
of deeds and creeds and heroes
of ancient things and places
now all long lost
to dust
to sand
to wind
to time
a lone flower blows by on the wind
I see it float by, a picture not real
and the rose is burned by flame
as passionate as the desire it represents
now it is only soot, to add
upon the dust
upon the sand
upon the wind
within the time
as I walk down the road
I see the mountain beside me
it weeps from it's wounds
water, the blood of the earth
I wonder, does it also cry for that flower lost?
to fire and wind, to dust and time?
The mountain, it too is sad
I sit there and cry with it
it knows my pain as I do not
with the eye of the ancients
sad tales and endless tragedys
eternally retold and remade
forever continueing, in hope
through trial and test
life continuing on still
and with life, death
and with death, sadness
and with sadness, joy
All eventually lost to time itself
endless life and death and continuation
all but sand on the wind
each life spent but soot upon the winds of time
burnt out by it's own passion for life
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Postby Wolfie » Sat Apr 24, 2004 6:18 am

*gazes* oooo so prettyful :)
ЀA†H comes like £iƒε,
sometimes forced and unwanted and sometimes loved and longed for.
How will you Ði€?™
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Postby Dracofrost » Sat Apr 24, 2004 6:22 am

Hey, I wanted criticisms! Unless you think prettyful is a bad thing?
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Postby Wolfie » Sat Apr 24, 2004 6:28 am

its a bad thing a very bad thing! :lila

lol uhh.... you smell bad go take a shower :lila :MIB lol
ЀA†H comes like £iƒε,
sometimes forced and unwanted and sometimes loved and longed for.
How will you Ði€?™
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Postby ChatOmbre » Fri Apr 30, 2004 1:47 am

I agree with Wolfie. 'tis prettiful...
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"Too much ink is drawn to describe and define love. Why describe it and define it? Take my hand and let's just take a ride through it. Love is... Love is... Let's just go for awhile, leaving ourselves for each other." --Mike Smith
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Postby Neerowolf » Fri Apr 30, 2004 2:01 am

That sucks! What are you, a fairy? No one wants to hear you bitch about how sad everything is. Go take your goth clothes and sacrifice your useless self to satan in a bloody fashion. No one likes you, no one likes you crap poems, you shouldn't be allowed to live on this earth, let alone complain about it. You poem is useless and long and it's completely unoriginal and you should learn to write poetry before you post your melodramatic waste on our board. Maybe I should dump chemical waste and dead fetus on your lawn to let you know how it feels to see crap ov4er what you like. Do you even like anything? After reading that poem I felt like projectile vomiting all over this picture of you I copied out and used on a voodoo doll in torturous ways. You suck, your poem sucks, and your inane dribble makes me want to take a rusty fork and gouge out my eyes with it so I don't have to see the BS you're throwing out in front of me. I hope you have a seizure and die.

Is that good?

Truthfully, it wasn't half bad. I want to steal it, it's actually pretty darn good. I love the way you use the imaging to paint a picture of a flower blowing away and the mountain crying. It's very good. Probably the best I've heard.
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Postby Dracofrost » Fri Apr 30, 2004 5:01 am

Hahaha, thanks for the criticism. You should turn that into a song, like something hardcore. Maybe rap it, hahah. Thanks for the praise, too, I guess.
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Postby Kaos » Sun May 02, 2004 8:08 pm

lol, neero, you're just too much :lol

draco, this poem is just great. i don't really have any critizmns because...i don't know what to criticize. the poem is wonderful, i really fell into what you were saying, i really liked it. it's great.

and if i were to criticize it, neero said everything i could've hoped for. lol
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