Life Lessons... part II

Displays of original artwork, handicrafts, musings and other talents

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Life Lessons... part II

Postby TerraFrost » Fri Jan 03, 2003 8:07 pm

since so many people showered me with adoration after i posted part 1, i was kinda nervious posting part 2... i mean, what if it doesn't live to their lavish expectations? hehe :lila:

anyways, like before, criticism is appreciated, but since no one seemed to have any last time, atleast reply to say you've liked it, or something! if you hated it, and just didn't reply, i'd actually be rather offended. i *am* and have *been* asking for criticism - the least you could do is tell me why you hated it! now, there is one problem i'm aware of, and that's spelling - my laptop sucks, and spell checkers don't work on it - maybe they will when i reformat it, but that'll be next week, when i'm unpacked, and have set my desktop back up again :)

Life Lessons

Part II: Attonement

I would eventually get over it, and move on with my life, but not right after it had just happened. Another tear rolled down my cheek. I was begining to cry. I could have had both, but now, I didn't have either, and it was all my fault. Despite all the virtues I might have had, I couldn't stop it from happening, so really - what good were they? A cold breeze interupted my train of thought. I looked up to see my brother adjusting the thermostat. Maybe it wasn't all my fault. After all, if it weren't for my brother, I wouldn't have lost either toy. It was his fault - not mine. My grief turned into anger. I was the one who bore the consequences of what my brother had did, not him. I had to make him pay, but how? How could anyone believe that my brother made me ruin my own toy?

Some time latter, my brother realized he forgot something. He searched for his shoes, put them on, and dragged me, against my will, to the car. Despite all the time I had spent brooding, thinking about ways to punish my brother, no viable solution had presented itself. I could tear something up that was precious to my brother, but then I'd get in trouble - not him. Most of the other punishments I had thought up required patience, and I wasn't sure my grudge against my brother would even last that long. I looked at my brother, driving. He hadn't said a word to me. At first I wondered if that might have been because he was mad at me, but then I realized that it was probably because he was in a bit of a panic, and just thinking about what he would do if he wasn't able to get what he had forgotten to get. Did what he did to me mean that little to him? Well, it sure it meant something to me, and with any luck, he would find out just how much it did mean to me.

Soon, we were at the mall. This was the same store that I had first seen my old, now ruined toy, and the toy my brother was going to give me. Each step I took was harder than the last. What would happen if I saw either one of those toys, again? And what other reason could my brother have for bringing me here, other than to make me lose control, again? He must have known. He must have been behind it the whole time. I resumed my brooding, with a new earnest. I didn't have much time.

My world was, once again, shrinking. The only thing in it now was my brother. I followed him, and plotted my revenge against him. The more I walked, though, the less I thought about how I could carry it out, but rather, how great it would be once I did carry it out. Suddenly, I found myself on the floor. I was so fixated on revenge that I had forgotten to make note of what was right in front of me. After confirming myself to be injury free, I looked behind me, in an effort to see what I had fallen over. I guess I didn't hear it sooner because I more concerned about myself, at that point, but there was a girl, younger than me, crying. A display stand had fallen on her. A small crowd had formed around us, muttering about how I had knocked it down.

Once I started piecing everything together, I calmed down. I stood up, and looked around. My brother was being chewed out by the girls mother. I guess this could have been my revenge, but it isn't what I wanted. I wanted my brother to pay for what he did to me - not what I apparently accidently did to someone else. Of course, I probably couldn't have managed better, myself, so I guess I'd have to take what I could get. I looked past my brother, and to my horror, I saw the same toy that I had ripped open earlier that day. This could be a chance to start anew! I had learned from my mistakes, and I wouldn't make them again. I could catch myself when I began to faulter. Just then, I realized... I was faultering. I was becoming fixated. My awareness of the outside world was begining to dim. I burst into tears. It was happening all over again! No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't fight it. I looked back up at the toy again. Sobing, I formed my hands into a fist, and hollared a defiant No. I looked up again. It would be so much easier if I just gave in. I fell onto the floor, and covered my eyes. There was no way I could see it, now. Suddenly, I felt a jolt. I looked behind me to see my brother, and a whole crowed of spectators.

"What's wrong", my brother asked.

"You know what's wrong! You took advantage of it when you showed me your new toy! You taunted me, and said you had meant it to be for me, but that you couldn't give it to me because I had just lost my toy! As if my losing that toy wasn't enough, you had to taunt me!"

"No, no, no - I wasn't taunting you - I didn't know you even carred about that toy!"

"Liar! You saw what it did to me when I lost it!"

I was shouting louder and louder to him. The whole store could hear, but I didn't care. My brother must not have liked the attention he was getting, because he said something I really never expected.

"Yeah... you're right. I was doing it to be mean. Now come on - we're leaving."

I had never heard my brother speak like that before, and it scared me. I didn't expect my brother to just admit it like that. To be honest, I wasn't even sure if I believed what I was saying, but now that my brother had just confessed, what could I do but believe it? How was I supposed to know whether ohe was being sincere, or fastecious? And even if he was being sincere, why would he suddenly give in now? In heindsight, I think my brother just couldn't handle the pressure. The staring and the yelling was probably too much for him to handle, so he took the fastest way out - the way that would shut me up. But, heindsight is always 20/20, and at that moment, I was just an impressionable kid, who hadn't yet learned moderation. How could such an innocent kid do so much harm? How could a mere toy do so much damage? How could I have done any of this? It was all so trivial, but it didn't end that way.
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