chuck norris and jack bauer facts

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chuck norris and jack bauer facts

Postby TerraFrost » Fri Apr 07, 2006 4:34 am

I'm sure you've heard varrious facts and tidbits about chuck norris:
  • Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.
  • There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
  • Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
  • The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
  • There is no chin under Chuck Norris' Beard. There is only another fist.
  • Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
  • The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer
  • Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
  • Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
  • Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING

...but have you seen chuck norris reading a few aloud?

alternatively, have you heard the following facts and tidbits about jack bauer?:

  • You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.
  • Jack Bauer let the dogs out.
  • If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.
  • The reason why terrorists attacked New York City was because Jack Bauer was in LA.
  • If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.
  • Every time you maturbate Jack Bauer kills a terrorist. Not beacuase you masurbated, but because that is how often he kills terrorists.
  • Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
  • Deaf people listen to Jack bauer.
  • Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
  • Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.
  • Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.
  • 1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
  • Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
  • When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.
  • Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
  • If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.
  • Colin Farrell smokes a pack of cigarettes a day. Jack Bauer smokes a pack of terrorists anytime he feels like it.
  • Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
  • Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
  • People with amnesia still remember Jack Bauer.
  • The quickest way to a man's heart is through Jack Bauer's gun.
  • Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.
  • Jack Bauer has been to Mars. Thats why theres no life on Mars.
  • Jack Bauer cannot stick his elbow in his ear, but he can stick your elbow in your ear.
  • Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
  • When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.
  • When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer fucking hates lemonade.
  • When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.
  • Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.
TerraFrost
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