movie update

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movie update

Postby Rapscallion » Thu Oct 07, 2010 10:35 pm

As opposed to the other movie blurbs I've put up in the past, where I talk about horror movies and bad horror movies, in this one I'm just going to talk about bad movies, more bad movies and some obscure ones (that are mostly bad).

1.) Machine Girl- Girl's brother gets murdered by the son of a Yakuza family, and she loses an arm, until a car mechanic attaches a minigun to her arm. She then goes after the family in bloody revenge, whilst the Yakuza family hires power rangers to defeat them. Sounds like an anime, right? Well, guess what? IT'S NOT!!!!!!!!!! All the retarded dialogue, gore, elaborate death devices and characters are brought to you in the glory of live action format.
What you should really look for, though, is the sequel. And by sequel, I mean the crappy post film DVD feature that the director released as a sequel short. In Japan, it's called Shyness Machine Girl, in the U.S. it's called Machine Girlite. They take who they can get from the cast in the first one and make a bonus video that has all the supporting actors repeating the two lines they had the original over and over and over, and go into some 20 minute joke about training a girl to become so embarrassed that a machine gun grows out her ass and fires. I'd say it's the worst Japanese export since Cho Eniki, but at least Machine Girlite stayed in the PG-13 ball park with its sexual insanity.

2.) Ralph Bakshi movies: I decided to pursue a lark last year and watch every Ralph Bakshi, from the good ones (American Pop) to the bad ones (Heavy Traffic) to the illegal ones (Coonskin). Here's what I've found thus far.
a.) American Pop- great movie with slightly dated animation moments. It shows each generation of an immigrant family and their grasp with the music business, from the early 1910s to the 1980s punk scene. The rotoscope animation was pretty cool to watch as well. The only Bakshi movie I've seen that I thoroughly enjoyed.
b.) Heavy Traffic- Bakshi's autobiographical film (sort of). This was the only movie out of three to receive an X rating and have it changed back to an R rating (Fritz the Cat kept the X rating, and Coonskin is trying to be forgotten). We are introduced to a young New Yorker who wants to be a cartoonist. His parents (an Italian mafia man, and a bitter jewish woman) hate each other, he's dating a sarcastic black girl who is adored by a legless maniac who bounces at the bar she works at. It's interesting in the sense that it's a gritty cartoon providing caricatures of living in a New York ghetto, but I couldn't get past the juvenile humor, the animated sleaze or the plot that keeps losing direction.
c.) Wizards- Mark Hamill's first voice acting job (one of them, anyway). This was about as kid friendly a Bakshi movie could get. You have two brothers who grew up to be Wizards, one good and one evil. The good one grows old, hangs out with fairies in a peaceful society and falls in love with the young, barely dressed daughter of some fairy mayor or whatever. The evil one, meanwhile, raises an army of mutant commandos, and badly until he finds old nazi propaganda and munitions. He then seizes control of the world, while the good brother tries to stop it. It's pretty evident that this was rated before the PG13 rating was invented, as it is a family fantasy movie with blood, language, sexual themes and some mild prostitution (the opening scene). Overall, creative, but still freakin weird.
d.) Fire and Ice- Another sword and sorcery epic, but this one is more geared toward grown ups. Apparently Bakshi and Frank Frazetta, being the good friends they were, made a movie together and this was the end result. Combining Bakshi's rotoscoping and Frazetta's Conan type of theme, they created probably one of the most bland movies ever. What's crazy about it is the clothing that all the characters wear: look it up. Once again, Bakshi shows us that any movie he makes that DOESN'T involve shameless nudity or a see through microkini is based off a book series written by J.R.R. Tolkien.
e.) Coonskin- this was supposed to be his satiric tribute to black people. However, the NAACP didn't quite see it that way. Coonskin is basically a Harlem Nights version of The Song of the South, and like the Song of the South, it was never officially released on video because it was considered too racist. It's definitely along the same lines as Heavy Traffic, in terms of gross humor and animated sleaze, only this movie focuses more on race relations (obviously). The upside is that it has Scatman Crothers from the Shining ("You want some ice cream, Doc?"), and the downside is pretty much the whole movie.
f.) Fritz the Cat- Bakshi's first movie, based off the strip by Underground Comix guru Robert Crumb, and the first American cartoon to receive an X rating. In spite of the fact that it was made with a shoestring budget, the quality actually looks better than the next two (Heavy Traffic and Coonskin). The movie follows anthropomorphic cat, Fritz, running around trying to find himself and chase various desires of the flesh in some big homage to the 1960s. Bakshi said this about the movie's rating, "Now they do as much on The Simpsons as I got an X rating for Fritz the Cat." While I agree that the X rating should probably be dropped to an R, I have never seen an episode of the Simpsons where Bart goes to Harlem to start a riot, then goes to a pimp's house, smokes pot with his wife and pulls some pretty twisted foreplay before an off screen fornication.

Overall, American Pop and Lord of the Rings (from what I remember of it: I still need to rewatch it, and I still haven't seen Cool World) are the only really good ones. Everything else is totally appropriate for this list.

3.) Bad Taste- So first I see the cover for the movie (an alien in a suit holding an AK47 and flipping off the camera), then I read the synopsis (an elite group of New Zealanders violently fighting off aliens who are abducting humans to serve in their intergalactic fast food franchise) and I decided, "What the Hell." I loved it. Don't get me wrong, it was a bad movie. It was low budget, took 7 years to make and played 80s synth rock. But hell if I didn't enjoy it all the way! I also rewatched Dead Alive recently, and I seemed to enjoy it more. Weird.

4.) The Room- I heard about this one on Yahoo. Apparently, Yahoo decided to compile a list of movies "so bad that they're good," and this was one of the main ones mentioned. After seeing some winning clips of it on youtube (
, ... re=related ), I decided to give it a try. There ARE some moments of bad dialogue being delivered badly in the style of abysmal acting, but they are stretched far and in between the random bits scattered throughout the movie, so I found it to be too drudgerous to watch, and I've seen Werewolves on Wheels, Frogs, and Antigone Rites of Passion. What the hell happened to peoples' standards when picking bad movies? Are people so lifeless and soulless that they'll make a midnight cult following out of this mindless crap? This is just me, but if I'm going to adore a movie for being dreadful, then the lack of quality had better have a crazy amount of momentum backing it up. If I don't see alien invaders kidnapping Santa Claus, harmless amphibians swarming plantation owners, giant vegetables taking down helicopters, religious icons defeating the undead with martial arts, or jokes that are so out of it that I need to lie down for a while, then said movie sucks at sucking.
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